This way madness lies

After sixteen days of denial, C relented two days ago and we made love. Usually, she is very generous after a denial period and tends to focus on me. Not this time. This time it was all about her. She had me go down on her and lap her to orgasm then immediately insisted that I enter her and came again as I exploded inside her. She had a bloody good time and snuggled up afterwards commenting on how much she had enjoyed it.

I lay in post-orgasmic sleepiness and wondered why I felt vaguely dissatisfied. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoyed coming and it was as intense as always after a couple of weeks of anorgasmia but I didn’t feel quite right. I think there were two things that troubled me. The first is that I love licking C and get very turned on when I’m doing it. This may not seem like a problem (and usually it isn’t) but to move straight from cunilingus to intercourse, with no break, meant that I was on a hair-trigger and came very, very quickly. C was, pretty much, peaking when I entered her so the swiftness of my orgasm didn’t bother her (and, in fact, we came together which she loves). My problem was that it was all over too fast. After being in the desert for so long, I quite like relishing the oasis for a while.

The second problem was a little weird. I felt that I had almost done something wrong by coming and that I should have stayed chaste. This seems bizarre because I was certainly looking forward to coming. The feeling was a mixture of guilt and disappointment with myself. I felt that I could (and therefore should) have lasted longer in chastity. The last time, I went for three weeks so this time I should have gone for longer (said the little voice in my head). I appreciate that this way lies madness – where do you stop? However, it was a seductive voice. I begin to see how people can enjoy, and even relish, long term chastity. Considering that, three months ago, a period of four days of chastity seemed like forever, I may be in trouble.

Subverted

I have been re-reading some of my early posts detailing the excitement I felt about male chastity and orgasm control. It was about three months ago that I determined to stop masturbating, as a starting point, in an attempt to renew sexual passion in my marriage. Since then my wife, C, and I have, in one sense, come a long way.

C now controls when I orgasm, we have communicated much more freely about our sexual desires, she surprised the hell out of me by becoming a fantasy dominatrix for a night and we have played about with restraint. My infrequent orgasms are extremely intense and C knows she can instruct me to pleasure her whenever she wishes.

Why, then, do I feel as if my initial excitement has become subverted into a routine that doesn’t seem to offer a great deal? Partly, I think, it is to do with the fact that C does not like the CB 6000 and isn’t really interested in being a “keyholder”. This means that she does not actually control the situation, I do. I wear the device when she’s not around which acts as a reminder that I am not to come (and, as I have said before, because I quite enjoy wearing it) but it’s a kind of stealth chastity that makes me feel mildly ridiculous at the same time. I suppose that it is inevitable that the practice of male chastity will become routine to some extent but, without the power transfer of C “clicking the lock” it seems to have degenerated into a situation where I don’t masturbate but otherwise things are pretty much as they were.

The obvious answer is to talk more but this doesn’t seem to have any effect. We do discuss it and determine that (for example) more teasing is necessary but, in the end, it doesn’t really happen as life, kids and work get in the way. I’m not blaming C as I’m sure there is more I could do; I’m just not sure what. I’m also reluctant to abandon the whole idea as it has been fun getting to where we are now and I still find the concept of denial and control very hot. I also live in hope that C will reconsider and take to the idea of acting as a keyholder.

I’m also finding it difficult to know where to take this blog. It was going to detail our adventures into chastity but we don’t seem to be having many at the moment. Anyone got any ideas?

Good vibrations

A couple of days ago I bought a Tracey Cox Supersex Bullet Vibrator from LoveHoney. I’ve never heard of Tracey Cox but apparently:

“Tracey Cox is an international sex, body language and relationships expert as well as a TV presenter. She is well-known for her TV shows on sex and relationships as well as her range of best-selling books.”

Here’s Tracey:

So, I’m expecting a Tracey Cox vibrator to be pretty hot shit! LoveHoney (like Amazon) encourage customer reviews and there were 107 reviews for this little toy. Almost all were a variation of: “small but very effective”.

We haven’t really played with toys so it was a bit of an impulse buy based on the idea that C should be enjoying herself even if I’m denied. LoveHoney were amazing – it was delivered the next day and they included a free vibrator ring thing that I haven’t looked at yet.

The vibe came with a spare battery (nice touch) and certainly is powerful. It’s about the size of a lipstick and vibrates like a washing machine on spin cycle. I thought this would do the trick and secreted it under C’s side of the bed.

As luck would have it, C decided that she wanted to be orally sorted out last night and I was able to bring the vibe into action. She almost jumped out of her skin when I ran it over her clit. Initially she was moaning like a thing possessed but it quickly became too much for her. The trouble is that it’s a one speed vibe and that speed was a bit much for C. I changed tack and used my tongue but pressed the vibe under the base of my tongue and this seemed to do the job.

After she had come, she informed me that she would be using it on me and “see how you like it”. She then told me that if I wanted to come I could “mount her”. There was a moments silence as I stared into her eyes and then we both collapsed into laughter. “I’m sorry” she giggled, “I just couldn’t think of any other way of putting it”.

So I mounted her. It was lovely.

Spit or swallow?

I locked myself into the CB 6000 yesterday. I only wore it for the day but it was like having an old friend round. I’m not sure why but I like wearing it despite the fact that it is mildly inconvenient – I still find bending to put my shoes on is a bit of a trial.

I think the mild, and quite pleasant, pressure of the device acts as a reminder that C is in control and provides a low-level background of horniness to the day. C was away and I had removed it and showered before she got back. For some reason, I didn’t want to tell her that I had been wearing it. There’s no reason not to tell her, she wouldn’t mind, but I just felt that I wanted to keep it for myself. I’ll probably wear it occasionally to keep the old body accustomed to it. Hopefully, one day, C will order it back on and we’ll be good to go.

Yesterday was day nineteen of chastity (amazing how obsessed with numbers one becomes) and, to my delight, C decided to let me come. Better still, she gave me a blow job. I lasted a lot longer than I would have believed possible after denial for almost three weeks and found myself being much more vocal than usual. Just before I came C, rather oddly, paused for a count of three then continued until I blasted off into her warm mouth.

Now, C is not a swallower; she hates the taste of sperm. For some reason, like most men I know, I would prefer it if she did swallow. It seems more intimate than buggering off, at the conclusion of activities, to spit my carefully nurtured seed down the plughole. A few weeks ago I told her that I really didn’t think the taste could be that bad and her retort was that I should try it. I told her that, theoretically, I would be happy to partake but that my willingness to do so would almost certainly disappear as soon as I had come.

This exchange had not been lost on C because the minute I came she shimmied up my body, pressed her lips against mine and injected my sperm into my mouth. Eurgh! Let me tell you, I discovered that I’m not a swallower either and she won’t be getting anymore trouble from me about that little peccadillo.*

Afterwards she asked me if I had noticed her pause. I confirmed I had and she told me she had seriously considered stopping and leaving me on the brink of orgasm. In the end her good nature won. “After all,” as she put it, “it had been a long time”.

* Incidentally, a female friend of mine once told me that the taste of sperm was like having an old, used, dishcloth in your mouth. I am now in a position to confirm this analogy. Not that I have ever had an old, used dishcloth in my mouth but the smell/taste equivalence works for me.

Staying engaged

I’ve been feeling rather flat for the last week or so. Not depressed but, rather, empty. I feel better now but I have been trying to work out why I was feeling that way. It’s not because the CB 6000 is languishing in the drawer; that is a disappointment but we are still playing with chastity and I haven’t lost hope that C will return to it eventually. I think the main problem has been that chastity seems to have become an excuse for ignoring sex.

I’m now on day seventeen of anorgasmia and, until two days ago, C and I had not enjoyed any kind of sexual contact for that entire period. Despite the fact that C can demand any kind of relief she wishes while denying me, she had, in fact, remained equally chaste. She hasn’t even demanded a foot-rub (and she’s very keen on those). I find it strange that she doesn’t take greater advantage of the situation. If the roles were reversed she would be doomed to never-ending blow-jobs!

For my part, I would normally be all over her after a week or so but I seem to have been dissociated from sexual feeling. I have been trying, for a while, to get myself properly into the mindset that C is in charge (particularly with a view to not bothering her or whining) and I think I may well have succeeded. Unless C makes a move, I’m in chastity and that’s that.

I have no idea how long this feeling would have persisted but I was thrown when, out of the blue, C asked me if I had started masturbating again. I was pretty indignant in my response but when I asked why she had asked the question she told me that it was because I hadn’t been all over her! I couldn’t believe it.

She had to go to work so we didn’t have a chance to talk about it at that point and, indeed, the matter was not raised until the next morning. C had a day off and had decided to have a lie down in the morning. I went up to see if she wanted anything and she looked so sweet that I couldn’t resist seducing her into enjoying a bit of devoted oral attention from me.

After she had come, she eyed up the rather prominent bulge in my trousers. “You wouldn’t have that problem if you were still in your cock cage” she said. “I know, but you don’t like it” I replied. “Hmm, but I quite like this” and she began rubbing her foot over the bulge. Within about thirty seconds I was groaning and ready to jump her bones. C took her foot away. “That will do I think” she said. “You can go now”.

That interlude completely shook me out of my apathy. I was (and remain) as horny as hell and it’s much better. We had a chat about the situation and I explained that, if she liked being in charge (she confirmed that she does) then she had to take some responsibility for keeping me engaged with her. The CB 6000 took some of the onus off her because the mere presence of the device was a reminder of my state and it’s clear to me that I need a reminder.

With a newly invigorated outlook, I went to read some of the blogs I enjoy on the subject of chastity and, blow me, if Thumper hadn’t posted this. It sounds very similar to the way I was feeling and induced me to write this post. I hope you’re on your way back to the good times Thumper.

Good in parts

Goodness me, it’s been eleven days since my last post; how time flies when you’re up to your neck in parents-in-law and small children. I’m not sure which group requires the most attention. It has been the half-term holiday in the UK and the house has been filled with a succession of small boys gleefully destroying their enemies on the Playstation and demanding food and drink. We managed to get away for a short break which was pleasant but all of this activity has meant I have neglected the blog for a while.

On the chastity front it has been something of a curate’s egg. The good news is that I finally managed to stop the CB 6000 from torturing my testicle. I reverted back to the largest ring size and that, together with the swish new underwear, seemed to do the trick. I suspect that the next ring down was just on the tight side and was tending to pull the scrotal skin taut, leading to chaffing.

The less welcome news is that, after wearing the device for a few days, I thought I would seek out C’s views on the CB 6000. We have had it for a while now and I wanted to see if she was enjoying the whole chastity thing with the device since she had reservations about the need for a device when we first discussed my weird fantasies. She asked me if I wanted her to be truthful (which I did) and then told me that it does nothing for her at all.

I was a bit taken aback as she has seemed to relish the act of clicking my lock in the mornings and I was hoping she had come to enjoy the tighter control of locking me in. C said she is quite happy for me to wear it and finds clicking the lock shut “amusing” but it doesn’t turn her on at all and, as far as she is concerned, she would be perfectly satisfied without a device.

This has taken the wind out of my sails a bit. I think I had assumed that she would come to enjoy greater control and, I guess, I was hoping it would bring out a more sexually dominant side of her. The reality appears to be that she is not interested in developing this theme and I have to admit that it is a bit of a disappointment. There doesn’t seem to be much point in submitting to the (admittedly fairly minor) inconvenience of wearing the CB 6000 when I am doing so only for my own amusement. C hasn’t really got into the idea of tease and denial and I find it difficult to discuss at the moment as I fear I am beginning to sound like a one-track record.

I have decided to abandon the CB 6000 for the moment, continue with voluntary chastity, take things slowly and see what develops. The initial rush of excitement after discovering the concept of male chastity has made me a bit obsessive and I think I need to calm down and see how C wants to play things.

CBT for beginners

What a frustrating time it has been lately (and I don’t just mean sexually). You will recall that wearing the CB 6000 led to a chaffed left testicle which required device removal. I kept it off for about three days and invested in some fetching new undergarments – pouch style to support and encase the “equipment” in nice, soft cotton.

All seemed well so C locked the device back on and everything, initially, was hunky dory. It’s amazing how much I enjoyed being locked up again but, sadly, the chaffed area started to flame up once more. I tried to get the left bollock to man it out but he wasn’t having it so I resorted to sticking an adhesive dressing over the little chap (those of you with any imagination will see where this is heading).

The chaffing was still painful so C decided the CB was going to have to come off for at least a week until everything had healed properly. She unlocked me and off it came. I decided to remove the dressing to let everything get a bit of air and it was at this point that I discovered a new variant on CBT (and I’m not talking about cognitive behavioural therapy). Allow me to inform you that removing an adhesive dressing from an unshaven scrotum is about as unpleasant as it sounds. I was whimpering like a child by the time I’d got the bloody thing off. Never again!

So, for the moment, I’m back on will-power. I miss the CB 6000 but I guess we’re just going to have to wait. I also managed to miss my last chance of a sexual release before C’s family arrived for four days. I fell asleep and she didn’t wake me up! C is adamant that nothing’s happening while her parents sleep in the room below us so I’m going to be on day thirteen before there is any chance of an orgasm and I’m a bit concerned that C may have plans to extend it even longer.

We were chatting in bed about the fact that she enjoys the control, and is missing clicking my lock shut in the mornings, when she asked me how long I thought I could stand to be denied. I know some of you guys are locked for months but I’m not ready for that yet so I stuttered that I wasn’t, erm, sure but, er, I might lose interest if it was too long. She dropped the subject but I get the feeling she is plotting long term encasement.

I say I’m not ready yet but I am finding that my feelings change as the time lengthens. I’m on day eleven now and the intense horniness of the first week seems to be mellowing into a more peaceful acceptance of my fate. I would really like to make love to C, not with the primary aim of achieving my own orgasm, but to provide her with pleasure. It’s an interesting feeling – I just wish I was enjoying it from the comfort of the CB 6000.

Health and safety

It’s been an annoying few days on the captivated man front. The day before our wedding anniversary I discovered that the side of my left testicle was becoming chaffed. It’s just a small area that’s rubbing on something, but it is painful. I think that what is happening is that the CB 6000 is both squeezing the “boys” outwards and also tending to drag things down. The result is that the edge of one of the “chaps” is chaffing on the fabric of my trousers.

Normally, I like to wear fairly loose fitting underpants but this, I think, is contributing to the problem as the package is pretty free moving. I suspect the solution is to hold everything under much tighter control with a jockstrap arrangement.

I had a rummage through the underwear drawer and unearthed a ridiculous “posing pouch” that had been given to me as a joke present by a friend years ago. Testing this out, it certainly seems to work well and hold everything more firmly up and tighter in to the body. It would do the trick but for the fact that it is bright, day-glow orange. It makes me look like my genitals have been tangoed.  Anyway, I’m in the market for some new undergarments.

Unfortunately, the chaffed area is still there so I have, reluctantly and with C’s agreement, had to refrain from wearing the CB until it heals up.

We had a splendid anniversary: a delicious meal and, with the youngling at his friends, a very pleasant, grown-up evening. C accepted the key so she is now officially the keyholder even if I am on temporary medical reprieve. I would have rather liked it if she could have worn it around her neck as a reminder to me (and she may occasionally do this) but her job makes it impossible on a full-time basis.

The zenith of the day was release for me after ten days of denial. I honestly don’t think I have ever had an orgasm like it. Usually an orgasm, for me, is a rhythmic affair, a pulsatile pleasure. This was more like firing a semen bullet, an intense ejaculation that was like a spike of pure ecstasy shooting up my spine. I was inside C when I came but, had I been “free” I suspect it would have shot across the room and knocked the table lamp over. The next time a hand job is in the offing I think I’m going to have to warn her to wear goggles or risk losing an eye.

Anniversary plans

It’s been four days since the CB 6000 arrived and I’m doing OK with it. The first day I wore it from midday and slept in it. Surprisingly, I slept very well and didn’t have a problem with painful night erections. I did get an erection at about five in the morning but it just felt like I was being squeezed – quite pleasant rather than painful.

Since then, I’ve had it on all day but taken it off before bed. The second night I removed it because I was finding it tiresome. For some reason I just couldn’t get it comfortable. The third night C removed it – I think she was feeling kind because nothing sexual happened at all.

I’m finding it OK to wear: most day-to-day activities are fine although I am, pretty much, constantly aware of the CB. It feels like there’s a weight attached to the bits and bobs, which, of course, there is. Bending tends to push everything up into the abdomen which can be uncomfortable – putting on my shoes is a trial.

I think C is getting used to it. She is quite happy to click the lock every morning which makes me feel very subby. She is not yet in charge of the key because I want to get used to wearing the CB and I’m not completely comfortable yet. I’m considering giving her the key on Thursday as it’s our wedding anniversary and I’ve booked a surprise meal at her favourite restaurant. I’ve also managed to palm our son off on his best friend’s parents for a sleepover so we’ll have the house to ourselves. To top it all, it will be day 10 of denial by then which is the longest we have done so far.

I do feel incredibly nervous about handing over the key to C but also very excited. It will truly put her in control of my ability to orgasm. This is the point I have been striving to reach and we’re almost there. I wonder where we’ll be going next.

Finally locked

The CB 6000 has arrived!

Tickleberry have excelled themselves. I ordered it on Thurs afternoon and it arrived Sat morning.

Fortunately I’m on my own for most of today so it gives me a chance to try it out. I’ve had it on for about one hour so here are my very early impressions:

It comes well-packaged in an attractive zip-bag. It looks well made and everything seems present and correct. The padlock was provided with two keys which has saved a couple of quid as there was no way it was being employed without an emergency key. It seems a lot of money for what is, essentially, a few bits of plastic but I guess if you figure in tooling costs etc then it’s probably reasonable given a restricted market (how many do they sell?).

It took me about 20 minutes to get it on and it was quite a palaver. Hairs kept getting caught and odd bits of skin got pinched (ouch). I think trimming the pubes will be the way forward here. Much to my irritation, I got the cock ring part assembled only to discover that one ball had managed to slip out while I was paying attention to a trapped hair so I had to repeat the process. The tube was virtually impossible to get on (I’m uncut) without my foreskin pulling back which was uncomfortable. In the end I took a pair of scissors to some of C’s tights and used the stocking method which worked perfectly. I haven’t used any lube at all.

Once it was on, it was remarkably comfortable. I’m using the largest ring and the smallest spacer which seems pretty good at the moment. I’m certainly aware of it but it’s not an unpleasant feeling. I don’t think there’s any way I could pull out without causing terrible pain and I don’t intend to try it. The “package” is definitely larger but everything is kind of pulled down. I suspect tight jeans would be uncomfortable but we’ll see.

I felt so comfortable that I decided to take a walk to the shops. Weird feeling – you feel sure that everyone must be aware of you but, of course, they are oblivious. The only problem I had was when I bent down to tie my shoelaces. It must have pulled the device forward because I got a very definite testicular warning!

All in all, I’m a happy bunny at the moment as happy as a clam at high water (note: edited for copyright reasons – see comments).