Archive for September 2009

Being bratty

September 30, 2009

What a bratI’m ashamed to say that I was a bit of a brat last night.

Within the BDSM community the term “brat” is usually used to denote a submissive who is acting up or causing trouble to gain attention. This sort of behaviour is frowned upon as it is one manifestation of topping from the bottom.

Topping from the bottom, if I understand it correctly, is the situation that arises when the submissive partner in a D/s relationship attempts to manipulate the behaviour of the dominant. For example a bound submissive might tell the dominant partner that “It would be a really good idea if you whipped me now”. An experienced dom would ignore the submissive and carry on with what he/she had planned but someone less experienced might go along with the suggestion. The submissive is now controlling the scene, presumably to the detriment of both parties.

Last night, I’m sorry to say, I whined at C that I wanted her to tease me.

At the moment we seem to be running on a 7 day period of denial, then an earth-shattering release (for me) and back to 7 days of denial. Compared to some guys, 7 days seems pretty modest but it works well for us at the moment (I’m sure C has plans to extend this period that she is not sharing with me just yet).

I have noticed that for a couple of days after an orgasm I am pretty relaxed about the whole chastity thing. It doesn’t bother me and I don’t really think about it. By day 3 I am starting to get horny and this feeling just grows and grows until, by day 7, I’m a slavering puppy. The problem, for me, is that denial really means denial. There isn’t really a tease element. Occasionally, C will have me go down on her (which I love) but my cock is pretty much left alone. Later into the period of denial I don’t really mind this as I’m looking forward to release and I don’t want to jeopardise the possibility that this will happen. Around the day 3/4 mark it’s a long time to the expected release date and the todger wants some attention.

I have dropped hints to C that this is something I want her to do but, so far, it’s been very rare that any teasing happens. In all fairness, C works hard and has recently been promoted, which has increased her responsibilities, so she is tired when she gets home.

I know, I really do know that it’s C’s decision and I should just shut up and let her decide how things pan out. Unfortunately, last night was day 3 and I whined.

C was on it pretty quickly and told me to be quiet and that it was up to her what she did with her property but I could tell she was fed up that I had moaned. She went to bed early last night and was asleep when I eventually went up. This morning she was fine but I feel like an idiot. I need to remind myself that I asked C to do this and, while she seems to enjoy it, it is more work for her, not less.

I think an apology and a bit of pampering is in order tonight.


My label keeps falling off

September 27, 2009

Bring out the GimpAs a man who enjoys the idea of male chastity and orgasm control it would seem that I fall into the category of “submissive”. I have perpetuated this myself by stating that it all appeals to a submissive part of me and I suppose that’s true but I don’t really categorise myself as submissive. Our dictionary defines submissive as: “inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient” and I just don’t fit that description.

I don’t view my wife as a Goddess; I don’t wish to obey her every whim; I don’t want to be treated as worthless and I don’t want to do the dusting in a ‘pinny. I’m not into inflicting or receiving pain and C doesn’t seem keen either. All of these things are absolutely fine, if that’s what you want, but it doesn’t describe me. I view my marriage as a partnership of equals; we make decisions together (usually) and I don’t feel the need to dominate C or be dominated by her. If C expressed an interest in anything like this, I would definitely go along with it on the grounds that it might be fun but none of this is a driver for me.

Outside of our relationship I am anything other than submissive. My work life has almost always involved positions of responsibility where I am expected to provide leadership (I’m not going into details for obvious reasons) and most of my friends would laugh at the thought that I was submissive.

So what would categorise me as a submissive? I love the fact that C is in charge of my cock her property and I quite like being restrained when she looks after her property. I would quite happily go along with anything she fancied trying in the bedroom and that’s about it.

I’m not just a submissive, I’m a dom, I’m a switch, I’m a human being (and I just wanna have fun).

A prophesy fulfilled

September 27, 2009

Stockings, mmmmm.I must be prescient. The day after writing “A natural Domme” I discovered what C had planned.

I was lying in bed contemplating an end to seven days of denial and wondering why C was taking so long in the bathroom when the bedroom door opened and a fantasy figure strode into the room. C was taking so long because she was getting changed into full-on, femdom garb.

Now, I appreciate a good cliché as well as the next man but, I can tell you, when a beautiful lady in a black basque, stockings, g-string and high-heeled shoes is standing astride you, it has a remarkable effect on the hormones and general attentiveness.

A stern, don’t-mess-with-me voice asked, “And what exactly are you going to do for me, little boy?”

I’m not going to go into the details of exactly what it was I found I could do for her. Suffice it to say that a good time was had by all. We did discover that high heels are not perfect bed wear, despite what the porn merchants would have you believe. I also discovered that I have rather more of a foot fetish than I had previously thought.

Afterwards C told me she had been looking for a black whip to complete the ensemble. I think that might have finished me off but (ahem) there’s always next time!

A natural Domme.

September 25, 2009

I have some concerns.So, how are things going chez Captivated Man? Well, we are continuing to play with chastity and orgasm control and, rather to my surprise, C really enjoys it. I asked her how she felt after the initial “you’re a bit of a weirdo” moment and found that she rather relishes control.

C has no problem at all with the denial part of the equation and is pretty sanguine about the pampering, foot-massage, being-fed-chocolates conclusions. If she has a problem, it’s the tease bit. C is not a natural Domme. I say this but then find myself re-considering. Actually, I think she is a natural Domme, she just hasn’t had the practice.

Yesterday morning (day 5 of denial for me) we were snuggling in bed and I was getting frisky. C has a really nice bod and being pressed up against it was having the effect you might expect. The alarm went and she got up to have a shower. Normally, she would just disappear and return with a towel wrapped around her hair before getting dressed. Not this morning.  She stood at the side of the bed looking at me with a smile on her face.

“Come back to bed for a minute”


She then performed, what I can only describe, as a striptease. Considering she only had a pair of pyjamas on, it was incredibly erotic and left me gasping. She finished with a wiggle of her bottom and said, “You can look, but don’t think you’re touching”, laughed and went off to her shower.

Little things can be astonishingly stimulating when you are “denied”. This evening, when we were eating dinner with our son, I suddenly felt C’s hand run gently over my balls. It probably lasted 3 seconds and would not have been noticed by the most eagle-eyed observer but it left me rock-hard for an hour or more.

Since it’s now day 6 and she usually relents within 7 days, I’m hoping for an entertaining evening. Having said that, C was musing earlier about extending denial for two weeks. She looked at my (stricken) face and said that she thought that was too long for me “at the moment”.

“At the moment” is causing me some concern.

Update: Nothing happened. She’s going for a full week of denial but she did say she had “something planned” and it was going to take a bit of preparation!

Your fetish is not my fetish and I really hate your fetish

September 23, 2009

Ironing - just say noI’ve been around for a fair few years now and I continue to be fascinated by the things that can turn people on. I really thought that I had seen it all when it came to peoples’ kinks so it was a great surprise to discover that a surprising number of men and women are into a “kink” that I had never heard of. How I managed to be oblivious to the idea of male chastity and orgasm control is quite beyond me, especially as it had such an instantaneous and powerful appeal.

Well, I’ve discovered another that is new to me and I thought I’d share it.

Some days ago I posted a piece called I even did the ironing. It was basically about distracting myself from serious horniness by doing a job I loathe: ironing clothes. One of the tags I attached to this post was the word “ironing”.

One of the rather nice features of WordPress is the dashboard. This is the control panel behind the blog which allows the author to do all sorts of fun things, most of which are still a mystery to me. One of the things the dashboard does is allow you to see what people have been looking for that has led them to your blog. To my surprise, one enterprising kinkster had arrived by searching for “Ironing Fetish”. He/She must have been seriously disappointed.

Unbelievable, another fetish I had never heard of. Off to Google we go. Oddly enough there do not seem to be a great many sites devoted to those with an ironing fetish but it certainly exists. Here’s a rather sad lady who wanted some help to re-engage her husband.

I have an steam ironing fetish which, for me, involves my husband’ active sexual participation whenever he sees me doing it. However, lately he doesn’t seem overly interested and I’m thinking that maybe he’s bored with me. The problem is that I’ve always really really enjoyed the seductiveness of my fetish with him and other men in the past, which is a turn-on for me.

My mind boggles a little at the thought of her husband’s active sexual participation. What does he do? Roger her senseless from behind as she presses his cuffs or, perhaps, she likes to steam press his trousers while he is wearing them. Either way, surely you would never get the seams straight.

I’m really not laughing at this lady; if your idea of fun times is imprisoning your genitals in a cage then it is wise to keep an open mind. People are fascinating.

Disclaimer: If you have an ironing fetish, I would like to make it clear that I am really OK with it. I just hate ironing. Come to think of it, if you have an ironing fetish, get in touch. We may be able to help each other out.

Edit: Clearly I’m a beginner. List of fetishes.

Under contract

September 22, 2009

Contract? What contract?One concept that crops up repeatedly when researching male chastity is the initiation of a “chastity contract” between the keyholder and the male in chastity. This, initially, struck me as a bit contrived, especially in a situation where the participants are husband and wife. Why go to the bother of developing a contract that would be totally unenforceable in law (and, let’s face it – if it got as far as litigation, your relationship is screwed anyway). On reflection, however, I have come to the conclusion that there are good reasons for developing such a contract (or guidelines, if you prefer).

It can help define what it is that you (both) want to gain from the experience of male chastity. In my case, I want C to take control of my sexual activity since this appeals to a submissive part of my personality. I would also like C to take an active interest; simply being locked up and forgotten would, I suspect, rapidly get tedious but add a little teasing and things hot up again. Finally, I want this to be fun for both of us.

A contract sets boundaries. From C’s point of view, I think this will be reassuring: she is hardly bound to anything and can call everything off if she so desires. I know she would get fed-up if I started whining so the contract specifies that I can’t do that. If I do, she can punish me and, if I won’t accept the punishment, she can call the whole thing off. I have no comeback as I agreed to all this beforehand.

It also gives permissions. If C wants to be pleasured all she has to do is say. She doesn’t have to feel guilty about denying me. I asked for it, I wanted it and I even signed a piece of paper that said it was fine for her to do that. What’s more, if I try and make her feel guilty, that’s whining.

There are probably other reasons for formalising a chastity contract but these seem sufficient so I wrote one stole one from the Internet. If you Google “chastity contract” you will have enough reading material to keep you busy for a week. Some are astonishingly detailed, some are extremely strict and some must have been written by people living in la-la land. In the end, I cobbled together something that seemed to fit our needs. I’ve just given it to C for her to alter as she wishes. Perhaps you would like a look, I would welcome any comments.


Mind or machine

September 19, 2009

Young Virgin Auto-Sodomized by the Horns of Her Own Chastity - DaliThose of you who have been following this blog since it started, in early September, will know that I asked my wife, C, to lock me into a male chastity device and throw away the key take control of my ability to orgasm. C agreed to do this but is unsure about the necessity for a device. Her view is that I should be able to use will-power alone to keep my hands off my cock her property unless she allows it. She has agreed to get a CB 6000 in a few weeks time but, until then, it’s mind over masturbation for me.

C is not alone in feeling that will-power should be sufficient; a recent post, at Informed Consent (a BDSM forum) asking about male chastity devices led to the following response from a professional dominatrix:

Why not just do as your dominant tells you and not touch?!

It’s now been about a month since C agreed to take control and the longest I have been denied, so far, is one week. I have been tempted, on a couple of occasions, to take matters into my own hands but, frankly, I’m enjoying the change in myself, C and in our relationship and it hasn’t been too difficult to resist temptation. Why, then, do I still long to be physically locked up? A device would appear to have many disadvantages over will-power and some do cause me concern.

1. Hygiene
This is a biggie for me. I like to keep the nether regions scrupulously clean. You could eat your lunch a small snack off my bits and pieces with nary a worry about hygiene. I can’t believe that Q-tips and soap will do the trick when applied via the vents in the CB 6000, especially as I’m uncut. The plan, at the moment, is for me to get up a bit earlier, for C to unlock me to have a shower (door open so she can check I’m not up to shenanigans) and clean the device prior to being locked up again before she showers.

2. Urination
I’m a bloke: I stand up to pee. It would appear that this will become a thing of the past when that padlock clicks shut. Normally, I would imagine that this will not be a huge problem (women seem to manage OK) although the queues for cubicles at busy events could prove tiresome and “popping behind a tree” on the way back from the pub may be extremely tedious. Also issues with hygiene – how easy is it to rinse off any excess? We don’t want the delightful odour of ammonia following us around.

3. Comfort
By all accounts, these devices take a bit of getting used to and a bit of fiddling with rings and spacers to get a good fit. That’s OK, I can cope with that. I’m less enamoured of the idea of night-time erections pulling everything forward and leading to terrible pain in the testicular region. I’m also a tad concerned about bits of the jolly old foreskin getting trapped in the vents of the CB 6000. It’s actually rather difficult to find much about the possession of a foreskin and the use of these devices so I would appreciate any information from the armies of the uncut.

4. Visability
I am not in the slightest bit ashamed of my urge to sport a cock trap but I don’t particularly wish it to become the talk of the town. One sniff of something like this (ammoniacal or not) and the “Yummy Mummies” on the school run would be awash with gossip. I don’t really want to replace all of my trousers with baggy daddy jobs either. I guess this is a wait and see issue.

5. Lost keys
Not so much of a problem with the plastic devices but this would be a nightmare.

6. Cost
These devices are expensive. Even the plastic CB 6000 runs to about £100 and the steel belts can be many hundreds of pounds.

With all of these potential disadvantages, why do I long for the click of the padlock? The answer lies in one word: control. The exquisite mental torment of knowing that control of my genitals is in C’s hands and that there is nothing I can do about it. At the moment, I could, if I wished, cheat. I won’t but I could. The knowledge that C controls the situation ramps everything up a notch. Why should this be? I don’t know but let’s not forget that the brain is the most powerful sex organ.