My label keeps falling off

Bring out the GimpAs a man who enjoys the idea of male chastity and orgasm control it would seem that I fall into the category of “submissive”. I have perpetuated this myself by stating that it all appeals to a submissive part of me and I suppose that’s true but I don’t really categorise myself as submissive. Our dictionary defines submissive as: “inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient” and I just don’t fit that description.

I don’t view my wife as a Goddess; I don’t wish to obey her every whim; I don’t want to be treated as worthless and I don’t want to do the dusting in a ‘pinny. I’m not into inflicting or receiving pain and C doesn’t seem keen either. All of these things are absolutely fine, if that’s what you want, but it doesn’t describe me. I view my marriage as a partnership of equals; we make decisions together (usually) and I don’t feel the need to dominate C or be dominated by her. If C expressed an interest in anything like this, I would definitely go along with it on the grounds that it might be fun but none of this is a driver for me.

Outside of our relationship I am anything other than submissive. My work life has almost always involved positions of responsibility where I am expected to provide leadership (I’m not going into details for obvious reasons) and most of my friends would laugh at the thought that I was submissive.

So what would categorise me as a submissive? I love the fact that C is in charge of my cock her property and I quite like being restrained when she looks after her property. I would quite happily go along with anything she fancied trying in the bedroom and that’s about it.

I’m not just a submissive, I’m a dom, I’m a switch, I’m a human being (and I just wanna have fun).

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9 Comments on “My label keeps falling off”

  1. Billus Says:

    I’ve read most of your posts, and your situation is very similar to mine, and many other men. Chastity can be a very enjoyable concept, oddly so for someone who’s always thought the point was to do exactly the opposite.

    You’re also seeing now that the stereotype of men who wear chastity devices as ‘sissy’ or ‘cuckold’ or even ‘submissive’ is just plain wrong. The literature is very keen to enforce those views, but of course all men are well-hung and all women are drop-dead beautiful in those made up stories (known as ‘wank fodder’).

    Don’t try to fit your fun into someone else’s mold; if you and your wife dig it, and nobody gets hurt, whatever. There’s no official rule book. When I wear a chastity device, it’s almost like body jewelry; I don’t wear bracelets or earrings, but I do wear something that I think makes me look sexier. It certainly makes me feel that way! Wearing a cock cage does not make you less of a man; it does not make your wife a femdom queen who needs unlimited lovers. It’s fun, it’s great to play the role, but you’re as submissive as you want to be, bottom line.

    • acaptivatedman Says:

      Quite, I think (as Tom Allen has pointed out)that relatively vanilla men/couples who play with chastity and OD tend to be drowned out by the more hard-core players and the out and out fantasists. This makes a lot of online resources rather terrifying to someone newly interested in chastity.

      If C had seen some of the websites around, before we had a chance to talk the whole idea over, she would have run a mile.

    • Tom Allen Says:

      Billus, I just want you to know that I’m stealing that last paragraph, and I’m going to claim that I wrote it. 🙂

      ACM – I commented the other day on something else, but I guess it got lost.
      Most of my friends probably would not be surprised to see that I’m kinky — most of them suspect that I’m a bit edgy anyway. But most of them are also too caught up in the stereotypes to know what I’m interested in, or how it impacts our relationship.

      Bottom line is that unless you’re going to play parties and munches, your kink is between you and your wife. It’s nobody’s beeswax how you choose to play this out.

      • acaptivatedman Says:

        “ACM – I commented the other day on something else, but I guess it got lost.”

        How very irritating – I hate it when that happens.

        You’re quite right, it is nobody’s business. I was really thinking about the, very human, need we have to apply labels. That’s fine but the labels include such broad ranges that they can be misleading. For example, I would call myself submissive in the sense that I do want C to take control of my ability to orgasm but I suspect my motivations and desires would be completely different from the “submissive” who is into sissification and a 24/7 femdom relationship.

        I was musing about this after joining Fetlife. They offer a long list of roles one can choose to be identified by but, at least, give the option of “Not Applicable”. I selected this but it’s not really true as I do identify as submissive in this one area.

        I seem to be making a small and unimportant point in a rather long-winded manner so I’ll stop there.

      • Billus Says:

        Wait – does that make you MY sycophant now?

  2. thumper Says:

    This is a tricky question. I started out saying things very much like what you’ve written here. I think the subsequent year of living with increasing levels of sexual frustration have made more evident aspects of my sexuality that were previously submerged.

    For example, you said in a previous post something about discovering a bit of a foot fetish. I totally get that. I *don’t* have a foot fetish. I don’t fantasize about feet, don’t get excited looking at them, don’t really want to come on them or anything. However, when I’m well and truly horny and all she lets me do is rub her feet before going to sleep, I fucking well want to *worship* them. Kiss the, lick them, bow down to them, etc.

    In any event, I guess the point I’m trying to make is you might find the way you define yourself changing over time. I did, anyway.

    • acaptivatedman Says:

      Both C and I have already changed in some ways. I think that “coming out” to her about my desires has, in a sense, freed us to be more open with each other.

      My “foot fetish” thing is pretty much identical to you. C asked me to massage her feet when I’d been denied for a few days and I found myself getting very turned on by the experience. This was emphasised when the same feet were presented clad in stockings (mmmmm, stockings!).

  3. GreyOwl Says:

    Wow… new to this blog, but not the concept. Thanks for sharing and hope to hear more from her perspective.

    • acaptivatedman Says:

      Hi Grey Owl,

      Thanks for the comment. I’m hoping to persuade C to contribute something one of these days. I don’t know how comfortable she will feel about it – we’ll see.

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