Being bratty

What a bratI’m ashamed to say that I was a bit of a brat last night.

Within the BDSM community the term “brat” is usually used to denote a submissive who is acting up or causing trouble to gain attention. This sort of behaviour is frowned upon as it is one manifestation of topping from the bottom.

Topping from the bottom, if I understand it correctly, is the situation that arises when the submissive partner in a D/s relationship attempts to manipulate the behaviour of the dominant. For example a bound submissive might tell the dominant partner that “It would be a really good idea if you whipped me now”. An experienced dom would ignore the submissive and carry on with what he/she had planned but someone less experienced might go along with the suggestion. The submissive is now controlling the scene, presumably to the detriment of both parties.

Last night, I’m sorry to say, I whined at C that I wanted her to tease me.

At the moment we seem to be running on a 7 day period of denial, then an earth-shattering release (for me) and back to 7 days of denial. Compared to some guys, 7 days seems pretty modest but it works well for us at the moment (I’m sure C has plans to extend this period that she is not sharing with me just yet).

I have noticed that for a couple of days after an orgasm I am pretty relaxed about the whole chastity thing. It doesn’t bother me and I don’t really think about it. By day 3 I am starting to get horny and this feeling just grows and grows until, by day 7, I’m a slavering puppy. The problem, for me, is that denial really means denial. There isn’t really a tease element. Occasionally, C will have me go down on her (which I love) but my cock is pretty much left alone. Later into the period of denial I don’t really mind this as I’m looking forward to release and I don’t want to jeopardise the possibility that this will happen. Around the day 3/4 mark it’s a long time to the expected release date and the todger wants some attention.

I have dropped hints to C that this is something I want her to do but, so far, it’s been very rare that any teasing happens. In all fairness, C works hard and has recently been promoted, which has increased her responsibilities, so she is tired when she gets home.

I know, I really do know that it’s C’s decision and I should just shut up and let her decide how things pan out. Unfortunately, last night was day 3 and I whined.

C was on it pretty quickly and told me to be quiet and that it was up to her what she did with her property but I could tell she was fed up that I had moaned. She went to bed early last night and was asleep when I eventually went up. This morning she was fine but I feel like an idiot. I need to remind myself that I asked C to do this and, while she seems to enjoy it, it is more work for her, not less.

I think an apology and a bit of pampering is in order tonight.

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4 Comments on “Being bratty”

  1. thumper Says:

    I have two things to say about this.

    One, denial without the teasing is also known as neglect. That’s not what you’re experiencing, but over longer periods, it can be very damaging. It’s something to look out for.

    Two, it’s taken me a long time to stop having expectations with regard to if/when I was going to get any action. I used to pout and be a brat and it pissed her off because because hadn’t I left that all up to her? I’ve come a long way but still struggle with battling my own expectation from time to time. It’s very hard, I think, unlearning the traditional male approach to sex. Learning to really let go and accept the control I’ve ceded to my wife has been difficult (with one step back for each two forward), but I find where I am now very satisfying and, in a way, liberating. It’s worth it.

  2. acaptivatedman Says:

    Neglect: yes, I take your point but, as you say, C isn’t neglecting me in that sense. I am finding it a bit difficult to talk to her about this as I feel as if I’m nagging her. I think I’m going to keep quiet and let her work things out for the moment.

    I think that I had a mental picture of how things should be and, unsurprisingly, C’s response to my fantasy doesn’t exactly fit my mental picture. I know that I do this in other areas: develop a mental scenario of how something should play out and then feel a ridiculous sense of disappointment when things diverge from my script. I do try not to do this but it’s difficult.

  3. hersforever Says:

    Even two years into playing with chastity, I still have a hard time managing my own expectations about play, teasing, whatever. Although for me that point hits after a week or so, while I wouldn’t quite categorize my situation as neglect (especially right now, I’m definitely not neglected) I still get feeling like we need to do something together — some sort of scene or play or something in which she demonstrates to me she knows that I am locked up and she is very aware of how long it has been and that it’s going to go on for longer.

    I have (finally) learned to communicate this to her without whining, which goes over much better for me. Our key is to talk freely every week during my Sunday night review and that I can ask her any time if I can speak freely — that way, when there is something I need to raise (as simple as “I need to be unlocked to shave” to as complex as “I’m feeling neglected) I can raise it and she will find an appropriate time to discuss. It helps keep me from whining and keeps her more aware of what’s going on with me.

    • acaptivatedman Says:

      Good idea – I think it’s difficult for the denier (awful way of putting it but you know what I mean) to understand what the denied one is experiencing sometimes. I liked the description on Maymay’s podcast that being denied was like being in a 24/7 BDSM scene.


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