Subverted

I have been re-reading some of my early posts detailing the excitement I felt about male chastity and orgasm control. It was about three months ago that I determined to stop masturbating, as a starting point, in an attempt to renew sexual passion in my marriage. Since then my wife, C, and I have, in one sense, come a long way.

C now controls when I orgasm, we have communicated much more freely about our sexual desires, she surprised the hell out of me by becoming a fantasy dominatrix for a night and we have played about with restraint. My infrequent orgasms are extremely intense and C knows she can instruct me to pleasure her whenever she wishes.

Why, then, do I feel as if my initial excitement has become subverted into a routine that doesn’t seem to offer a great deal? Partly, I think, it is to do with the fact that C does not like the CB 6000 and isn’t really interested in being a “keyholder”. This means that she does not actually control the situation, I do. I wear the device when she’s not around which acts as a reminder that I am not to come (and, as I have said before, because I quite enjoy wearing it) but it’s a kind of stealth chastity that makes me feel mildly ridiculous at the same time. I suppose that it is inevitable that the practice of male chastity will become routine to some extent but, without the power transfer of C “clicking the lock” it seems to have degenerated into a situation where I don’t masturbate but otherwise things are pretty much as they were.

The obvious answer is to talk more but this doesn’t seem to have any effect. We do discuss it and determine that (for example) more teasing is necessary but, in the end, it doesn’t really happen as life, kids and work get in the way. I’m not blaming C as I’m sure there is more I could do; I’m just not sure what. I’m also reluctant to abandon the whole idea as it has been fun getting to where we are now and I still find the concept of denial and control very hot. I also live in hope that C will reconsider and take to the idea of acting as a keyholder.

I’m also finding it difficult to know where to take this blog. It was going to detail our adventures into chastity but we don’t seem to be having many at the moment. Anyone got any ideas?

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8 Comments on “Subverted”

  1. thumper Says:

    If she’s controlling your orgasms, with or without a device, then you’re practicing chastity. It sounds like she enjoys having that control, so I think you are having chastity adventures even if you’re not locked into the CB-6000.

    With regard to feeling ridiculous locking yourself into the CB6K, you could think of it as an aid you use to achieve her overall desire to control when you come. More like it’s *your* tool rather than hers, but in service of her control. In a way, that’s how it was for Belle and I for a while at the start. She never really liked the first CB6K’s looks and seemed to think it was just getting in the way or something, but I’d still put it on voluntarily when necessary. Over time, she came to realize how it changed my behavior and attitude and started to embrace it. Now, she has me in a device pretty much all the time.

    I can’t say your wife’s thinking will evolve as mine did, but it possible. My advice is to keep it up (so to speak) and wear the device when you want (as long as she doesn’t object).

    • acaptivatedman Says:

      Hi Thumper,

      Thanks for that. You are quite right – I think I just needed someone to point it out. The mental “twist” of viewing the CB6K as my tool is also helpful.

      I really don’t know if C will change her view of the device. I hope so but, re-reading your early posts, it sounds as if Belle was much more “into” orgasm control from day one. C does enjoy it but I think she has relegated it to “just something we do” and doesn’t really think about it until I’m dropping hints about it being three weeks. Of course I think about it all the time but don’t want to whine.

      C hasn’t been too well over the last week so everything is pretty much on a back-burner anyway.

      Perhaps I’ll ask for a keyholder for Christmas!

  2. coal Says:

    Hi ACM,

    I have been reading yours and Thumper’s blogs all weekend. I find that I struggle with the same things. However, reading through them I realized that I have a strong fantasy for B/d but probably wouldn’t like it in everyday life. I do fantasize about being a sub or even slave but I know that once the novelty wore off I would grow tired of it. In this regards, a little goes a long way for me. Would I love to experience it, YES, but now I realize I would not enjoy it long-term.

    This brings me to the ideas of submission and chastity. First off, I think I understand your wife’s point of view. Maybe for her, like me, once the novelty wore off, she’s just not as interested. If this is the case, it doesn’t mean you have to give up on chastity and submission. You have obviously expressed a degree of submission in terms of sex and the bedroom. By not masterbating you already are submitting to her desires. If the CB-6000 helps you fulfill her desires, then wear it, it doesn’t matter if she locks you up or not. Mentally, you are already locked up because of her desire.

    Secondly, you can be a sub to your wife regardless of how firmly she dominates you. Your resolve is to submit to her pleasure and do what makes her happy. Therefore, your task is to find out what makes her happy (and horny) and then do it. She obviously doesn’t want you to jack-off, so don’t. This is an act of submission and following her orders. Part of being submissive is giving up your pleasure to bring pleasure to someone else. If she doesn’t get pleasure from locking you in the CB-6000, then don’t make her do it. Don’t even request it. To do so is to actually take the Dom side of the equation from her for yourself. Just as you want to sacrifice your orgasms for her, you can make yourself willing to sacrifice your desire to be locked into the device so that you are making her happy. I.e., you are submitting to her desire.

    You can allow her to be as expressly dominating as she is comfortable with while still be just as submissive as you want to be by doing what pleases her. If the thrill is gone because there isn’t the element of punishment, then perhaps you can compromise. I think a compromise that could work is that if she agrees to enforce a punishment that you decide. If you have a transgression, you could lock the CB on yourself and give her the keys requesting to be released in xxx day (or weeks). If she agrees, then follow it. If she doesn’t agree then the submissive response would be to not coerce her to do it. If doing nothing is what makes her happy – and this frustrates you – then doing what makes her happy is the submissive thing to do. If you’ve come this far, I don’t think she would mind being your keyholder in this type of scenario at all – as long as it doesn’t interfere with her sexual satisfaction.

    It doesn’t sound like she wants you to masterbate, so don’t. As long as she doesn’t mind that you wear the CB-6000, then I think you should wear it. It will help you submit to her request and give you a sexual satisfaction that you don’t get when it is off your body. Like Thumper said above, you are already being denied and the CB-6000 is your tool to help you fulfill her wish. If she asked you to fix the toilet, you’d have to take tools with you into the bathroom to stop a leak, and really this is no different.

    This is the compromise that I want to work on with my partner. We’ve been together over 10 years. We would be married if that were an option where we live – but that’s another rant. He knows I have a leather and bondage fetish and I am generally submissive. I have found a way to get pleasure out of pleasing him even though this means leaving it out of the bedroom. He is very vanilla so just bringing in basic toys into the bedroom is a challenge. However, he does allow me to release my built up frustration by looking at the porn that excites me. It’s not an overt “Allow” it’s just that I know he knows and he teases about it but doesn’t expressly ask me not to look at it. If I abused this allowance, then he might ask me to stop, but my act of submission is to not push the envelope too far.

    I bought my CB-6000 on Friday and wore it until last night. It was sexually thrilling and made me horny as hell. My partner is out of town for Thanksgiving so it wasn’t something I had to expose him to. I really did enjoy wearing it. I will try to get him comfortable with me wearing it between our sexual encounters. He may thinks it’s funny/weird/perverse but as long as it doesn’t interfere with keeping him sexually happy, I hope he doesn’t mind. I don’t think he would ever want to be a key-holder but I think he would not object to me wearing it. If it makes our sex better, it might interest him more and maybe we’d play games of endurance to keep me horny – for me the goal would be to deny the orgasm (my submission) but for him it would only be to enhance the ultimate sexual experience when I am released. I hope I am explaining it so it makes since. I am trying to express that for me it’s submission but it’s not domination for him. In the end, we both get what we want – sexual satisfaction.

    I am sorry this ended up so long and maybe part of this was for my benefit, but I sincerely hope it helps even if it’s just a different point of view.

    Best regards,
    Coal

    • acaptivatedman Says:

      Hi Coal,

      Thanks for the very thoughtful post. I quite understand what you are saying and, in the main, I agree with you. The problem I have lies in the element of control that is presently missing. I have a weakness (which I have described elsewhere) of developing a scenario in my head and then being disappointed when reality doesn’t fit my careful construct. I am aware that this is my problem, not C’s, and generally I am OK with the situation. I think the fact that the last week or so has been very “vanilla” kind of exacerbated the feeling that this wasn’t quite what I had in mind.

      Sometimes I just need a kick up the arse.

      Glad to hear you’re enjoying the CB6K. It certainly alters one’s mindset doesn’t it?

      Yours (in a rather more cheerful frame of mind)

      Peter

  3. thumper Says:

    I have a weakness (which I have described elsewhere) of developing a scenario in my head and then being disappointed when reality doesn’t fit my careful construct.

    Oh, hell yeah. I only did that to myself about 1,000 times. OK, maybe 10,000.

    For me, it was trying to come to terms with the fact that she was going to do this in the way she felt comfortable and, while that maybe wasn’t at all where my fantasies were, it was still pretty hot compared to how things had been before. Also, as her confidence increased, she became more “active” in her role. I expect the same thing will happen with C over time.

    In any event, letting go of the preconceived notions of what this kind of dynamic is supposed to look like and replacing it with how it will be played out in your relationship is one of the very hardest things to do. Much harder than not coming for two months. You both need to get something out of this and finding that unique blend of what gets the both of you off can take some time. For us, it was at least 10 months but even now it continues to evolve.

    I’m rambling. I’ll shut up now…

    • acaptivatedman Says:

      No, you’re not rambling. You put it very well. I think I’m just at the point of accepting that this thing will evolve to suit both C and I. As I said, at the beginning of this post, we have come a long way already from where we were three months ago. I just need to focus on that and on C.

  4. lockedhubby Says:

    Hello and thank you for your blogging on the topic. I’m a relative newcomer to the chastity blogosphere, and feel grateful to be in such company.

    I can empathize strongly with the issues around wanting a partner to take more control of the power exchange aspects in a chastity relationship. A big part of my own journey has been around learning to let go and let my partner do it their way. Pushing my own agenda is counterproductive.

    I’m fortunate in that my wife is naturally dominant. But she’s not fully on-board with keeping me in 24/7 chastity long-term yet. I can tell that right now she is partly doing it for me, and I’m aware of my desire to have it be all up to her. Moderating my own desire to control that is my challenge.

    I’ve learned that all the reading and fantasizing I’ve done over the years about D/s and chastity have created expectations in my mind. I must actively work to shed those and let our real-life story unfold. Listening to my partner is the most important work I can do with this. Maybe reality is that she is NOT interested in a particular aspect. I would be wise to hear and accept that, even if it means another bit of my fantasy future falls away. I see that as another step along my submissive journey of truly relinquishing my desires for control that work against our flow of power exchange.

    Thanks for all the thoughtful sharing on your blog. I’m looking forward to reading more.

  5. xdresser in cage Says:

    post the key to yourself now your locked in for a few days even if you dont like it. I used do that at first to punish myself when I masturbated too much now I have a partner who brings the key to work and on holidays while I am not with her.


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