This way madness lies

After sixteen days of denial, C relented two days ago and we made love. Usually, she is very generous after a denial period and tends to focus on me. Not this time. This time it was all about her. She had me go down on her and lap her to orgasm then immediately insisted that I enter her and came again as I exploded inside her. She had a bloody good time and snuggled up afterwards commenting on how much she had enjoyed it.

I lay in post-orgasmic sleepiness and wondered why I felt vaguely dissatisfied. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoyed coming and it was as intense as always after a couple of weeks of anorgasmia but I didn’t feel quite right. I think there were two things that troubled me. The first is that I love licking C and get very turned on when I’m doing it. This may not seem like a problem (and usually it isn’t) but to move straight from cunilingus to intercourse, with no break, meant that I was on a hair-trigger and came very, very quickly. C was, pretty much, peaking when I entered her so the swiftness of my orgasm didn’t bother her (and, in fact, we came together which she loves). My problem was that it was all over too fast. After being in the desert for so long, I quite like relishing the oasis for a while.

The second problem was a little weird. I felt that I had almost done something wrong by coming and that I should have stayed chaste. This seems bizarre because I was certainly looking forward to coming. The feeling was a mixture of guilt and disappointment with myself. I felt that I could (and therefore should) have lasted longer in chastity. The last time, I went for three weeks so this time I should have gone for longer (said the little voice in my head). I appreciate that this way lies madness – where do you stop? However, it was a seductive voice. I begin to see how people can enjoy, and even relish, long term chastity. Considering that, three months ago, a period of four days of chastity seemed like forever, I may be in trouble.

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7 Comments on “This way madness lies”

  1. Billus Says:

    Oh, without a doubt, it’s very common – “No, don’t let me come like I’ve been begging for! Keeep meeee looocked uppppppp….!”. Then comes the guilt. We’ve all been there.

    But, you’ve basically told C, “Look, from now on, we do it your way, when you want”. Too fast or too slow for you? Too bad. Tom Allen noted a few months ago that it’s probably good now and then to remind yourself what you’re being chaste *from*.

    After a few days though, you’ll start to swim back into subspace and enjoy the wait for the next release. You and Thumper will be handing out pamphlets in the airport.

    • acaptivatedman Says:

      Keeep meeee looocked uppppppp….!

      Ha, ha, I imagine that in a Gollum voice – my precious.

      Is this the post from Tom that you meant: http://vanillaedge.wordpress.com/2009/08/17/rat-in-a-cage/ ? If so, it’s a good description of what I gain from denial. I’m not so sure about subspace – quite frankly, I’m not sure what it is or how you get into it. As for handing out pamphlets – only if I can wear my chastity robes.

  2. Billus Says:

    Wanting to wear the CB is (in my opinion), a partial journey into subspace, as well as wanting to please your partner while you remain denied. Granted, these may be small steps compared to being horsewhipped while on the rack, but everybody has their own levels. I think the longing in an of it self is the main part of ‘subspace’, however you manifest it physically.

  3. Tim Says:

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I have just begun this journey as well.

  4. Steve Says:

    Hi Peter

    No blogs since December – have you given up? I have been enjoying reading about your experiences.

    Steve

  5. Billus Says:

    Man, I’m always sorry to see another one fall by the wayside. Hope all is well with you.


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