Posted tagged ‘Masturbation’

Subverted

November 29, 2009

I have been re-reading some of my early posts detailing the excitement I felt about male chastity and orgasm control. It was about three months ago that I determined to stop masturbating, as a starting point, in an attempt to renew sexual passion in my marriage. Since then my wife, C, and I have, in one sense, come a long way.

C now controls when I orgasm, we have communicated much more freely about our sexual desires, she surprised the hell out of me by becoming a fantasy dominatrix for a night and we have played about with restraint. My infrequent orgasms are extremely intense and C knows she can instruct me to pleasure her whenever she wishes.

Why, then, do I feel as if my initial excitement has become subverted into a routine that doesn’t seem to offer a great deal? Partly, I think, it is to do with the fact that C does not like the CB 6000 and isn’t really interested in being a “keyholder”. This means that she does not actually control the situation, I do. I wear the device when she’s not around which acts as a reminder that I am not to come (and, as I have said before, because I quite enjoy wearing it) but it’s a kind of stealth chastity that makes me feel mildly ridiculous at the same time. I suppose that it is inevitable that the practice of male chastity will become routine to some extent but, without the power transfer of C “clicking the lock” it seems to have degenerated into a situation where I don’t masturbate but otherwise things are pretty much as they were.

The obvious answer is to talk more but this doesn’t seem to have any effect. We do discuss it and determine that (for example) more teasing is necessary but, in the end, it doesn’t really happen as life, kids and work get in the way. I’m not blaming C as I’m sure there is more I could do; I’m just not sure what. I’m also reluctant to abandon the whole idea as it has been fun getting to where we are now and I still find the concept of denial and control very hot. I also live in hope that C will reconsider and take to the idea of acting as a keyholder.

I’m also finding it difficult to know where to take this blog. It was going to detail our adventures into chastity but we don’t seem to be having many at the moment. Anyone got any ideas?

Porn and I

October 2, 2009

All men are therapistsI have a rather ambivalent attitude to porn. On the one hand, I can appreciate why many people find it dehumanising and degrading; on the other, it has been a trusty masturbatory companion for many years.

I can still remember the eye-popping occasion when one of my best friends showed me his father’s “secret” porn stash. This was serious, hard-core pornography, not the kind of thing that was easily available in 1973 in my quiet home town. We were 14 years old. Up until that point, my only experience of porn had been the odd Penthouse or Men Only magazine sniggered over in the school yard.

I can remember looking at the pictures with awe. Women drooling over massive erections, being penetrated in every available orifice and giving every indication of thoroughly enjoying it. Those pictures were etched into my brain and stayed with me for many months as a mental slideshow during the serious business of pubescent masturbation.

Later, at university, I was exposed to alternative views on the acceptability of porn. Andrea Dworkin was popular with many feminist students and they espoused her position that pornography is a tool by which men control, objectify, and subjugate women. I could understand (and even, to some extent, agree with) their view but, by now, I had my own secret porn stash that I used as an aid to masturbation and I didn’t really think that I was subjugating anyone even if I did feel slightly guilty once the deed was done.

The Internet, of course, has brought hard-core porn to the masses and, like many others, I had a sub-section of bookmarks that linked to a few favoured sites for masturbatory enjoyment. I speak in the past tense because, although the bookmarks are still there, I haven’t clicked one for well over a month.

I can’t really imagine watching porn without the underlying intention to masturbate (C is totally uninterested in porn so it’s not something we watch together) and since I can’t masturbate (or won’t, if you prefer), why watch porn? All that would happen is that I would be crippled with an erection and unable to do anything about it.

It looked like porn was off the agenda and that was just fine until yesterday.

Yesterday I was reading some of the archived material on Thumper’s site and, in one post he mentions “ruined orgasm”. He was talking about a video he had seen and he provided a link (obviously NSFW). Bloody hell! Some of that was really, really hot.

Am I going to seek out similar material? You bet I am.

I’m going to look upon it as teasing myself.

A natural Domme.

September 25, 2009

I have some concerns.So, how are things going chez Captivated Man? Well, we are continuing to play with chastity and orgasm control and, rather to my surprise, C really enjoys it. I asked her how she felt after the initial “you’re a bit of a weirdo” moment and found that she rather relishes control.

C has no problem at all with the denial part of the equation and is pretty sanguine about the pampering, foot-massage, being-fed-chocolates conclusions. If she has a problem, it’s the tease bit. C is not a natural Domme. I say this but then find myself re-considering. Actually, I think she is a natural Domme, she just hasn’t had the practice.

Yesterday morning (day 5 of denial for me) we were snuggling in bed and I was getting frisky. C has a really nice bod and being pressed up against it was having the effect you might expect. The alarm went and she got up to have a shower. Normally, she would just disappear and return with a towel wrapped around her hair before getting dressed. Not this morning.  She stood at the side of the bed looking at me with a smile on her face.

“Come back to bed for a minute”

“No”

She then performed, what I can only describe, as a striptease. Considering she only had a pair of pyjamas on, it was incredibly erotic and left me gasping. She finished with a wiggle of her bottom and said, “You can look, but don’t think you’re touching”, laughed and went off to her shower.

Little things can be astonishingly stimulating when you are “denied”. This evening, when we were eating dinner with our son, I suddenly felt C’s hand run gently over my balls. It probably lasted 3 seconds and would not have been noticed by the most eagle-eyed observer but it left me rock-hard for an hour or more.

Since it’s now day 6 and she usually relents within 7 days, I’m hoping for an entertaining evening. Having said that, C was musing earlier about extending denial for two weeks. She looked at my (stricken) face and said that she thought that was too long for me “at the moment”.

“At the moment” is causing me some concern.

Update: Nothing happened. She’s going for a full week of denial but she did say she had “something planned” and it was going to take a bit of preparation!

Under contract

September 22, 2009

Contract? What contract?One concept that crops up repeatedly when researching male chastity is the initiation of a “chastity contract” between the keyholder and the male in chastity. This, initially, struck me as a bit contrived, especially in a situation where the participants are husband and wife. Why go to the bother of developing a contract that would be totally unenforceable in law (and, let’s face it – if it got as far as litigation, your relationship is screwed anyway). On reflection, however, I have come to the conclusion that there are good reasons for developing such a contract (or guidelines, if you prefer).

It can help define what it is that you (both) want to gain from the experience of male chastity. In my case, I want C to take control of my sexual activity since this appeals to a submissive part of my personality. I would also like C to take an active interest; simply being locked up and forgotten would, I suspect, rapidly get tedious but add a little teasing and things hot up again. Finally, I want this to be fun for both of us.

A contract sets boundaries. From C’s point of view, I think this will be reassuring: she is hardly bound to anything and can call everything off if she so desires. I know she would get fed-up if I started whining so the contract specifies that I can’t do that. If I do, she can punish me and, if I won’t accept the punishment, she can call the whole thing off. I have no comeback as I agreed to all this beforehand.

It also gives permissions. If C wants to be pleasured all she has to do is say. She doesn’t have to feel guilty about denying me. I asked for it, I wanted it and I even signed a piece of paper that said it was fine for her to do that. What’s more, if I try and make her feel guilty, that’s whining.

There are probably other reasons for formalising a chastity contract but these seem sufficient so I wrote one stole one from the Internet. If you Google “chastity contract” you will have enough reading material to keep you busy for a week. Some are astonishingly detailed, some are extremely strict and some must have been written by people living in la-la land. In the end, I cobbled together something that seemed to fit our needs. I’ve just given it to C for her to alter as she wishes. Perhaps you would like a look, I would welcome any comments.

(more…)

I even did the ironing.

September 18, 2009

I hate ironingBy the time day 5 came around I was in a state of constant background arousal. C’s teasing postponement of (I thought) an agreed release had ramped up my arousal levels considerably. My mind was fixed firmly on one track that involved C’s naked body, myself and our pet llama (OK, I lied about the llama).

Unfortunately, Sunday is the day that C takes our son to see his Grandparents and play with his cousins and they do not return until late evening. This left me with a whole day to stew in erotic juices and stew I did. The temptation to bring up some porn and bash the bishop was considerable but the thought of C naked and urging me on was overwhelming and I had little trouble rejecting the temptations offered by the internet pornmeisters.

The problem was filling in the time until they returned. I tidied the house, cooked dinner and, with time still to spare, I even did the fucking ironing! If you knew how much I loathe ironing it would give you some idea of the parlous state I was in. Cooking, cleaning, washing, I can cope with quite happily but ironing I hate so I can only explain what happened by reference to my throbbing state of arousal. Not only did I do the ironing, I even ironed her knickers, every pair, really carefully!

By the time C returned, I was like a dog in heat. Once the boy was safely asleep we repaired to bed. C snuggled up.

“Have you been a good boy?”

“Yes, really good.”

“You even did the ironing, I think you deserve some fun.”

“Oh God! Look, I should warn you I’ll probably come in about a nanosecond.”

“Don’t you worry about that. Your job is to kiss every inch of my body and then make sure I come. Afterwards, we’ll see about you.”

I doubt that a task has ever been undertaken with the enthusiasm I displayed and I was rewarded shortly afterwards by hearing C groan in ecstasy as she pulsed against my tongue.

C lay back panting. “That was lovely.” Then she whispered, “Would you like to come inside me?” and she raised her knees inviting me in.

I came, I came with muscle clenching, spine tingling intensity. I filled her and came, pleasure coursing through me, electrifying, intense.

Afterwards we cuddled.

“Well, I may not be having as many orgasms as I was but, if they’re like that, it’s a worthwhile payoff.”

“And I”, C laughed, “I intend to enjoy myself. So prepare yourself.”

A good read.

September 14, 2009

Male chastity belt - for the prevention of indolenceAs I stepped out of the room I could hear the crackle of paper as C unwrapped the package. There was a short laugh, not mocking but surprised, and then silence. I waited for 5 minutes in the kitchen, feeling like a small boy waiting nervously to be called into the headmaster’s office, and then returned. C was curled up on the chair reading the book I had given her.

“Are you OK”

“Yes, a bit taken aback. Is this really what you want?”

“Yes, it’s hard to explain, but yes. Look, as long as you’re not freaked out, read the book and then let’s talk about it. The book will probably explain better than I can.”

“OK”

C went back to her reading and I busied myself with bits and bobs. I felt incredibly relieved that I had told her what I wanted and delighted that she had taken me seriously. It really did feel like a weight off my shoulders and made me realise how much I wanted C to want to do this.

After about an hour C emerged.

“I’ve finished part 1 and I have a couple of questions”

“Fire away.”

“Why do you want to do this?”

“It’s hard to explain, I’ve enjoyed the feeling I get when I’m not masturbating: it sort of makes everything fresh. That’s not all though, I think it appeals to a submissive part of me that I didn’t even know was there”

C looked thoughtful.

“Yes, the book said something about that”.

I should add that, at this point, I hadn’t read the book. The author states, quite early on, that a male giving it to a potential keyholder should not read it beforehand. I stuck to this although I did have a quick gander at the table of contents.

“You have another question?”

“Yes, why do we need a device? You could just do as you’re doing now and not masturbate. We could just add that you don’t touch yourself unless I say so.”

“Hmm, it’s really about control for me, the fact that I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I just find the idea of you having the only key incredibly hot. You having control, it’s hard to explain.

“OK, well I’ll finish the book later.”

But she didn’t. The book lay, unread, on her bedside table for three days. I was going nuts. It was a really important issue for me and C was ignoring it. Finally I cracked.

“I’m really pissed off”

“Why”

“I wrote you a letter, I gave you the book, it’s really important to me and you’re just ignoring it”

“I’ve been busy, I will read it”

“Yes but if you had done that to me I would have made a point of reading it. I would know it was important and I would have made the time”

“OK, I’m sorry. I will read it.”

And she did. I probably shouldn’t have hassled her but, in a way, I’m glad I did as it made her realise that I was very serious about her becoming my keyholder.

When C had finished the book, we discussed the idea at length. C was still of the opinion that it was all a bit weird but was quite happy to humour me and try orgasm control for a while. She said she had enjoyed the extra attention she had been getting since I had stopped masturbating and looked forward to being pampered. She still felt unsure about locking a device on to me and we agreed we would hold off buying the CB 6000 for a few weeks and that I would voluntarily hand over control to her during that time. Her other concern was how long she could make me stay chaste.

“Well, the whole point is that it’s up to you. You can demand relief anytime you want but it’s up to you whether I come or not. At the moment I find 4 days about as much as I’m comfortable with.”

“OK but you’re not to whine or pester me when you want to come.”

“I promise.”

The next 4 days passed uneventfully. C was busy at work and didn’t demand any kind of sexual activity at all although she did benefit from an increasingly attentive husband. I grew more horny with each day that passed and by day 4 I was really looking forward to whatever C had planned. It was a Saturday so no work in the morning, we could take our time and enjoy each other. On Saturday afternoon I caught her in the kitchen and gave her a hug.

“You haven’t forgotten, it’s been 4 days now?”

“No, I haven’t forgotten. Have you been good?”

“Yes.”

C stepped back. Her eyes were sparkling and she had a wicked smile on her lips. She looked absolutely gorgeous.

“Well, I think you can make it to 5 days, don’t you?”

She giggled, turned and walked away.

To be continued…

Be still my pounding heart

September 11, 2009

Male Chastity: a Guide for KeyholdersWhile hand-to-gland combat was no longer occupying my time, I remained intent on convincing my wife, C, to, at least, try experimenting with male chastity and orgasm control. The question was how, exactly, to broach the subject. I think the reason I didn’t just jump in and tell her was fear. I was afraid that she might simply laugh or mock me or, even worse, that she might be horrified or view me as some sort of pervert. Also, I wasn’t sure that I would be able to explain what I wanted in a way that would be non-threatening to her.

One option was to focus on what she would gain from the experience. There is a mass of information on the interwebs emphasising the benefits for the keyholder. According to these sources, the chaste male becomes compliant and helpful, doing the housework and doting on his “Goddess”. Unfortunately, I don’t think C would have much interest in becoming a “Goddess” and I wasn’t too keen on becoming her maid. I should add that I already do much of the housework and almost all of the cooking since, at the moment, she goes out to work and I’m at home.

Another possibility was to aim a few web-links at her and let her find out for herself. The problem with this is that, while there is a great deal of information on the interwebs about male chastity and orgasm control, male chastity crosses a lot of areas which might be described as kinky. These range from hard core BDSM, where slaves or subs may be put into chastity as part of a 24/7 lifestyle, to men undergoing sissification or feminisation, sometimes with a cuckold element. While I definitely subscribe to the YKINMKBYKIO (your kink is not my kink but your kink is OK) viewpoint, I very much doubt that a photograph of a burly chap in a short, rubber maids uniform doing the dusting while sporting a CB 6000 would add to the persuasiveness of my argument.

There are relatively “vanilla” men/couples (I recommend Tom Allen at The Edge of Vanilla) who enjoy chastity but their voices can be drowned out by the hard core kinksters (and, of course, the out and out fantasists).

While perusing the interwebs, it was noticeable that one book was repeatedly recommended as a straightforward introduction to male chastity. This was “Male Chastity: a Guide for Keyholders” by Lucy Fairbourne. A concise, well-written review by lauren1fem can be found at Chastity Mansion Forums (Note: Chastity Mansion is a very friendly forum run by Mistress Watchful. There is an active sissy element to the forums so if this is likely to offend, don’t click the link) and is reproduced here with permission (thanks Mistress W and lauren1fem):

As the title suggests this book is aimed at a soon to be female keyholder of a would-be chastity-belted male. It is well-suited to a newbie keyholder or someone who may have been surprised by receiving the book from someone as a “gift”. It presumes the reader has obtained the book for several reasons, but the principal one is that a male interested in chastity has sprung this idea on his SO in hopes of acquiring her as his keyholder. This aspect may be the book’s greatest asset.

Introducing a kink like chastity into a relationship is made easier by the writer’s style and matter-of-fact approach to the female keyholder reader. It’s also a quick read and gives one a taste of the lifestyle without getting too bogged down in the detail.

There are a few sections that may be a bit contrived. The author suggests that you create a diary to track yours/his sexual frustration & horniness level before going out and buying a device. During this time the chaste male would have to use the honor system which could be problematic.

There is a good overview of various product types without naming manufacturers or endorsing any particular make/model. If you knew nothing about chastity belts this might be informative or set your mind at ease with the whole concept.

Final Analysis: If you are a husband hoping to get your wife or SO to be your keyholder this book is for you/her! (Note: To date I haven’t got the guts yet to spring this on my wife, but this book along with a brief request to “read it and then let’s talk” is what I would use to introduce the idea to her).

I decided to buy this book for C.

The book arrived and I wrapped it and enclosed a letter explaining that I was interested in male chastity, that I hadn’t gone mad, that I didn’t expect her to become a whip-wielding, leather-clad dominatrix, that I would accept it if she was completely against the whole idea and that I loved her. I asked her to read the book and then talk to me.

The next afternoon, with my heart pounding in my chest, I told C that I had something for her, gave her the package, said I would see her in 5 minutes and left the room.

To be continued…